Tatay, MGQ and CLM plus PS..

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CLM : On Intimacy (Plus I fainted)

I'm on sick leave today as I'm writing this. Worst sickness ever. I fainted in the bathroom with huhu..

Anyway, I don't want to talk about what happened today but what is happening to me and CLM. It's been almost 2 months since the day I first went to his apartment alone. After the first, the next weekend we back after our poweramp date. It was a late night biglaan and then we kissed this time. No. Another line crossed! And so, this can never happen again. I told him that I didn't want to. I told him not til we're married. I told him i didn't want to go to his apartment alone. Although he would suggest so a few more times. After that, the next week, Jan24, we had another intimate spot...Rasheen. I would have liked getting intimate in his car, in UP, it was great. Only problem was it was still against my values and I can't believe I can't help it. I needed space. The next week however, toned down intimacy at UST parking happened. Then the next week in front of our house since we cant find a spot in MOA parking. Again, the following week. Not on my birthday though, not in the spa on valentines, but in front of our house before we parted. Wow! It's only now that I realized there was no weekend that we didn't express physical intimacy. Though we don't do it every time we see each other. Somehow I find that I'm okay with kissing and petting above the waist. I find his massage on my neck and pelvic bone at the same time feels really really good.

The 7th and final one so far was Feb21, at his apartment, after UP jog with his sister we went to the apartment. But kat and her bf left shortly after napping. That was when we were left alone again. In his apartment. After watching Big Hero 6, there we were again. This time, again it went a bit too far. Tshirts off, and he was able to touch me. Not long but the fact that he did. It just sent me haywire the next day. I needed space for almost a week. I went insane thinking about the time I was abused, about my first time with my ex, the shame, the icantbelieveididit, the blame on myself, i felt dirty. I felt hurt, betrayed, out of control, lustful. It was hard for me to recover from that. And then I felt cold. I felt very logical about the situation. Instead of being more clingy like what most girls become after crossing the line as charles said, i became the opposite. I suddenly analyzed him and thought that I won't have a bright future with him. Just like that, the magic suddenly disappeared. Until now, 2 weeks later, even a kiss was not shared. But until now, we haven't talked about it. He's been having dreams that I'm cheating on him twice already. Of course I'm not cheating but my feelings are colder than it used to. And I'm just so sad that I'm again in a situation that I've been before. Logic vs emotions. My warrior side being more logical is heavily rising above right now. Maybe I do need Charles 2.0.


"Everyday is a happy day!":p