Suicide? What the heck!!
This is something I wrote in friendster for my friend Lyndon... I just wanna remember this so I'm posting it here... Lyndon is a very good friend of mine. I made this for him on the morning of the 19th. I posted one a bit shorter than this on the friendster bulletin. Surprisingly, another person was touched by what I wrote. It was Rudolf. He assumed that it was for him since we talked about stuff too... Like Lyndon, he also said he liked me. Well, unlike Lyndon, he never said, nor wanted to love me. So I sent this message (edited) to Lyndon himself in friendster for him to know that it's really meant for him. Anyway, this is what i wrote:
SUBJECT: pouring my heart out... (for a friend..sana basahin mo)
THINK ABOUT THIS... It doesn't mean that when you fail in a relationship or when you fail in making the girl of your dream yours, you are a failure as a person...hindi ah! Siguro you are not right for each other kasi there are other better persons for each of you...Accept it na pwedeng better yung girl na yon para sa iba kasi meron ding better na girl para sa'yo... when God closes a door, he opens a window...several windows pa nga minsan eh. Hindi mo man makita kaagad pero meron yun! Pero hindi rin naman tayo cgurado hindi ba? Hindi dapat mgsalita ng tapos kasi kung para satin un, babalik yun, ilang beses man nating iwasan. When life seems hopeless, remember that somebody cares for you. It helps if you talk about your problems to someone. They may not give you the answers you'll need but they can surely give you comfort and surely the strength to go on, knowing that they're here to support you all the way. When life seems cruel on you, think about this. People from all over the world suffer starvation, oppression, poverty, injustice and so on. These people barely live yet they try so hard to do so. Compared to them, you are lucky. Why waste your life? Is it because no one loves you? That's not true. Or because you can't change the past that you do not want to go on anymore? Killing yourself won't do anything good to you. It won't turn back time, it won't make your love come to you. It would only worsen your situation. You may think that by commiting suicide you can free yourself from all the pain, anger and loneliness inside you but it won't. Alalahanin mo nman andito pa kme. Imagine the people who care for you. Your family and friends. You will only bring them pain. Don't be selfish. There are things in life that we do not have control of. Things brought by fate or by God maybe. Basta binigay nya, wala na tayo mggawa kundi iaccept yun. This is just His way para magpapansin. He loves you and He wants you to come to Him. These trials make us stronger. We should not let it pull us down to hell. When you give into death, that's the only time you've really lost. You're not a loser. You're not a loser. You're not a loser.The best thing to do is to make up for our mistakes/shortcomings by trying to do better in the future. Pag ngpakamatay ka, di mo na rin matutuwid ang pagkakamali. Duwag ka kung tatalikuran mo lahat ng problema mo. Be a man and face your problems. Pero pag pinili mong mabuhay, you have a chance for a better future. Habang my buhay may pag-asa. Pag sa tingin mo wala na talaga, wag ka maniwala sa sarili mo dahil meron pa. I believe that you can keep going long after you can't. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Just because love hurts doesn't mean you'll never be okay. Time may not heal all wounds but it will ripen your experiences, making you realize things you haven't when you were younger. Soon you'll laugh at yourself when you think of how pathetic you had been. Hindi ko alam kung tama pa bang pigilan kita kahit lam kong lalu kang nhhirapan pero pra saken life is precious. Kasama na dun ung buhay mo. Sorry kung galit ka o naiirita ka na kapipigil ko sayo. Pero hanggat kaya ko pa talaga, sana I'm not too late, kukulitin kita ng kukulitin hanggang sa matauhan ka. I won't give up. Ipinagdarasal kta gabi gabi at hopefully someday matauhan ka. I believe, I have faith and I love you. Kahit na para sayo hindi sapat. I don't wanna loose a friend. I don't wanna loose you. Not now, not ever. Sana maintindihan mo rin ako.
Now this is Lyndon's reply... I've never met someone like him. He's one of a kind. Someone too good to be left drifting in the wrong direction... I really hope and pray I could help him. :'(
ei.sorry.i have searched for an open window for many years kaso ala ako nakita.i have fought too long that i have lost the will to go on.i knw that sad times make us laugh...but did u know how our happy past will make us cry?if other people have their darkest hours...i have had my dakest years...if God was so good...y does he act like a tyrant?giving up doesn't mean u've lost...it means u know ur limit.and now i give up...i dnt have the ability to optimize, perfect, work out efficiently, or exceed what God has given me...see...all these philosophies...the ones i've given u and what u stated...contradicts each other...i can always contradict u...it is for me to reflect...see what i can do...summon all the courage that i have left...and will to go on living...ayoko na maghirap ka ok?just wag na...wala dn mangyayari...badtrip akopilitin...d kasi ako mapipilit...palagi ako may pangontra sa sasabihin nyo...eto ang epekto sakin ng pagiging matalino...ayoko n maging matalino...too much expectations...too much knowledge...too much consciousness...too much of everything...i have become an atheist...i thought banne changed me..pero when i've given up on her...i've given up on God...if God'll show Himself to me...babalik ako...science has corrupted my mind and separated it from my heart and soul...we have been given a definite time to live in this world...dba it's so unfair?life is so unfair...and i'm at the bad side...and i think i deserve more than those who enjoy a good life...i hate God !!tnx nlng s effort...but it's me and myself who can change my decision...
Now this one's Rudolf's reply to what i posted. This is better to hear because unlike the above writing, this next one was enlightening. Funny how God makes His plan. I never meant to pour my soul into writing for Dolf, yet not knowing he needed it, I was able to move him and change his perspective. Now wasn't that nice? ^_^ Here it is as it was written. With the typo and all..
SUBJECT: salamat. at ok n ako
thanks a lot. i know people care for me. i know what i am to do. i now know what i am to do. just move on. alm ng ilan kung ano ang pinoproblema ko. pero d nyo kasi alam ang kabuuan. pero at least. i know now whaere i am to place my self. i would do things to hurt my self. but i now understand. i wont give much realaxation for me but much pain for others. before i thought that when i was to die people would not really care at all. but now. i know. there are some, maybe a few, who give a damn little care. thank you all for giving me much stregnth.(parang wrong spelling) i read testimonials about me and i realized. some of those testi's where sincere. i understood. i am the one closing the windows and doors for people who also cares. coz i only watch the television showing the face of the person i like. why not let the opportunity in. now i realize my purpose. maybe i spoke too soon that no one would love me. coz people already does. thank you very much my special sum one(s) my mind is now open to what i should do. for some i should just move on. for others to open my eyes for their care. coz they do.salamat sayo ng marami. special sum one. inagt ka a lang lagi. sana basahin mo to. dahil sau. naintindhan ko dapat kong gawin. alam ko nmng d dapat dba. nasabi ko nmn sau. pero ewan. martir ako. siguro ipipiramdam ko n lng. nasimulan ko na. ok nga lang sana...
Well, that's about it for now... Just need to let it burn!!!
posted by mary @ 10/28/2004 02:52:00 PM
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