My Gastro Baby

Baste is now 2 and a half and has grown into a smart, funny and very active little boy. But today we are in the hospital, admitted for viral gastroenteritis. What I thought was mild diarrhea that will just pass escalated to a trip to the pedia 2 days ago and now to the ER then confinement. 

The last time he was admitted was when he was 2 months old when we learned about his sensitivity to cow’s milk protein. Second night in admission as I am writing this paragraph. He was weak, he got thin. It’s a mother’s nightmare. I am always thankful for Charles for being critical and who filed half day to take Baste to the hospital. We can never be too complacent specially with Baste.

I guess my mind is really not in a good shape. I’ve had work errors, I’m neglecting my child ( not making activities like I used to), dumb scrolling and for what? I’ve gained A LOT of weight for the past 1.5 years. I yearn for rest. But I don’t even do much chores at home. We have Angie (our helper). We’ve had helper since day 1 (Ate Ruby, Ate Shane and Tita Alice - 4(?), 12 and 8mos). We’ve had mama since day 1 too (except for the times she’s in Australia or out of town with friends and some weekend she’s in QC). I thought I was ready for a baby when we wanted to have one. But I guess you can never prepare  for this. I lack preparation as a person and I hope I don’t do the same parenting him.

I’m sick as well today. I haven’t been sick this year. But my sinuses hurt, my head and my back. Baby boy wants me to carry him all around lately coz he’s sick. I missed carrying him like that but he’s so big now and I’m so physically inactive. I hope everything feels better.

House renovation is coming soon too. And I hope we get to go to boracay next week.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p

Hello Baste

It’s been way too long since my last entry here!

Very timely that I remembered (during the wee hrs of the night that I woke up) remembered Kisses Comics and tried to search for it so I logged on here. My last entry was about Covid. Years later we’re all vaccinated and its effect is just similar to the flu. And now I got the virus. And my son, Baste, got the virus too. I haven’t told you, blog, about Baste yet! He turned 1 year and 1 month last May 18, 2023 last week. He’s got an IG account though.

Well well well. Me moved from Paranaque (after a faulty toilet episode) to Antipolo (sis in law’s house) for 2 months (where we got pregnant) to Kawit, Cavite!

I’m still with the bank, going 9 years this year. Got my first car and driver’s license last year. Though I’m still not driving. Went to Malaysia on Charlie’s birthday this year. The first travel post-lockdown era after our honeymoon in HK where it all started 4 months prior to lockdown. Charles changed work many many times. 

We changed yayas a few times also before having Ate Shane (6 months this month). Mama went to Australia for 6 months (Baste’s 3-6mos then 7-9mos) while we struggled with the baby, the house, my recovery. Sumama loob ko with Mama but it also taught me many things. Like how bad a person I am, magnified by the struggles, that I complained about Charles not doing enough when in fact he’s doing so much. That I complained about Mama not being there for me and Baste when I needed her the most - choosing her favorite son and apo over us. But we pushed through and now she’s back, we have a good yaya/helper even when we initially wanted a stay-in yaya. She’s a stay out yaya and it works perfectly well. I always need to go home early but I’m not complaining. Baste can walk and play well on his own. He’s more manageable now and the load has gotten lighter over time. I’ve leveled down my work output specially since I work from home 3 days a week. My body has changed and I gained weight after breastfeeding for 10-11months (when I got herpes zoster reactivating chickenpox from overfatigue I stopped breastfeeding because Baste got chickenpox from me). And now he got Covid from me when I got it from BMA last mother’s day get together.

The struggle from childbirth (failed induction emergency cs) to childcare for the first year was a real struggle, specially with CS, breastfeeding and finding a helper while I work. As much as I want another child, I wouldn’t want to go through all of these again. I won’t post a photo of the baby anymore but as they say, what a joy it is to be a mom and to have Baste as my baby.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p

Covid-19

We lost and officemate today because of the Covid-19 virus. He was old, with pre-existing conditions, who volunteered to stay onsite in the office for weeks before he felt sick (fever and high bp) and decided to go home. No one thought it was covid at first but as he was diagnosed with pneumonia then tested positive for covid, his body began to deteriorare, was intubated, oxygen got stable then all of a sudden, news of his passing. I feel so guilty not being able to text him when he was still awake, when our boss said we should text him words of encouragement. I never thought it would be the end for him. No one ever knows, right? Our last convo thru Teams chat was an office related request. He was a happy go lucky guy that doesn’t really do well with his job but he always bring laughter. His table is just across mine. When we go back to work, we will surely miss his presence. I hope he died at peace and ready to face the Lord. I pray for his family and friends. May eternal rest grant unto Sir Dar, O Lord. Let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.🙏

A Day of Gratitude

Today, April 8, 2019, I took a leave off from work for my follow up check up with my cardiologist. I thought I’d go to UST as well since our request for prenup photoshoot just got confirmed last week.

I woke up almost 11am today. I was supposed to go to UST at 11. Haha I slept for 11hrs! Which is good. I slept late last night because of my 11pm work. I played with my dogs as always. Summer and Golden are such babies they make me happy. I got up from bed to find that World Vision sent me a pen! Yay! It was so hot today. I went to St Lukes a bit late because  it’s just soooo hot! Also, because of my forgetfulness, I was looking for my breast ultrasound result all over just to realize after a full 15 minutes that I haven’t even gotten the result yet. My memory is so bad, I know. So I went to St Lukes, straight to HMO, then to get the breast ultrasound result, got listed on my Cardio, then to the Stress Test result, bought my favorite Boulangerie 22 bread and went up again to wait for my turn with my Cardio. Great news is that my stress result is excellent. Dr Myra Canlas says I can play basketball. My heart is working great. I’ll take a 2D echo on September just to check if my prolapse is really gone. My breast ultrasound on the other hand showed many benign cysts and should be monitored next year again. I’ll be back September for another set of tests: Vit D levels which is still deficient as of writing, and cholesterol which was a bit high when I got tested a few weeks ago. My St Lukes trip was fast considering that there were so many people everywhere. Despite the traffic, I was able to make it to UST Secretary General before 5pm ang got the prenup permit instantly! Just in time for the 5:15pm mass at the Santissimo Rosario.

It was a different mass today. It felt so good despite my mild headache from the scorching heat. I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude knowing that my heart is healed. Knowing that the prenup date is now for real. Knowing that God has forgiven me and that God loves me so much. That despite my inadequacy, He healed me. He gave me so much more than my physical healing. He healed Tita Sue from breast cancer. He’s healing Papa’s lungs. He’s healing Jhoanne’s unconsciousness. He’s healing Mama’s acid reflux. He’s healing Charles’ high blood and muscle pains. God is guiding our road to our marriage. I couldn’t help but took communion today. Eventhough I haven’t gone to confession. I am overwhelmed with God’s grace I almost cried.

Many times in my everyday life I’m too lazy to praise the Lord. Many times I feel down. Many times I feel fear. Many times I look down on myself. I look down on others. I don’t think and do good. But God always gives me another chance. God loves me and gives me the best. The best of all the experiences. Happy and sad. God guides me. And for the past year or so that I’ve rested and reflected
more because of my heart condition, I have come to learn how to live in the present. How to be here right now. How to be still. And to focus more on my family. My relationships. Myself. For a year or so I haven’t really pursued the teaching career that I wanted or the Prulife financial advisor that I started. But I’ve been promoted to Manager 1, Senior System Administrator at work. Charles proposed to me. We bought a house in Cavite. All these things came as God’s blessings. This new focus is different and new. But this new focus is good. I’m 32 but I’m not worried that I will die poor. I’m not worried that I’ll retire with only a small amount of money. I’m actually feeling more secured. Maybe I’m just reaping all of my efforts from the last 10years of working. Maybe God is telling me its enough. I guess what I’m seeing now is a new season. A new chapter of my life. Rather, a preparation for a new and bigger chapter of my life. Exactly 7 months from now, I will be Jhoanna Mary C. Madrid. And God will be forever with us in our new journey.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p

On To Forever

After a big fight last August before supposedly going to Zambales with Charles and his family, I went home and had a week for myself to think about us. In that week or so, little did I know that Charles was having the same internalization. On the eve of August 11, 2018, we decided that we were ready to get married.😊

Fast forward to my 32nd birthday, February 13, 2019, Charles proposed with a solitaire diamond rose gold ring in the sala of our house, with the words “Marry me?” Written behind a Hello Panda box. I’m in love again and again.❤️

With almost all suppliers booked, I’m looking forward to the day we tie the knot on November 8, 2019. Shortly after, we’ll be moving to our new house in Masaito, Cavite.⛪️🏠

It’s a great 2019 for me! I got promoted on January. I got engaged on February. I’ll be married by November. Get out of the house on the same month. And hopefully get the house ready to be turned over by the end of the year. God is great! He gives us what we need. He loves us no matter what.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p

Time is Slow But See How Much I've Grown

Health is Wealth. It's been six months since my hospitalization. What have changed? Well, I believe that my heart is a lot better now. Very few instances of palpitations and chest pains. Although, I've learned about my Vitamin D deficiency, straightened cervical spine and not so dense bone, tests are still ongoing because of changing symptoms - body/muscle pain, now numbing hands and feet. When I got dismissed from the hospital, I had a lot of meds including antibiotics. I stopped them after a couple of months (?) because I get nausea from it. But now my doctor wants me back on antibiotics because I think there's a bacterial infection somewhere? My ESR and LDH are always high. There's weakly present lupus anticoagulant. Right now, the doctor's diagnosis is Sub-acute Bacterial Endocarditis. IDK really. Sometimes I don't believe my doctor. Haha my muscles seem week nowadays specially since I don't exercise and I sleep a lot. My memory is also forgotten. LOL. Sometimes I feel sad and stuck but to be honest, the gravity of my "depression" lightened. I believe it's from my supplement. I read from google that Vitamin D deficiency causes depression and maybe it's true. Drinking supplements such as Vitamin D, Calcium, Coenzyme Q10, L-Carnitine, Zinc and B-complex, whichever pulled me away from being a depressed, young professional...thank you! I do hope that things get better and better. I pray for healing all the time. For me and Papa. Thank you to my weekend works because I can get my offset during working days. ^_^

Penance and Confession. Since February 13, I've been in confession almost every month and it is the best penance that I ever received. Truly, God will give you what you need. Priests just know what to say. And that monthly confession has helped me greatly in this time of need. Confession also helped me and Charles to focus on what's important. It has at least become easier for us to get our hands off -. Not that we don't sin anymore. But we do strive hard and the direction is clearer than ever.

Impatience and Anxiousness I. Ever since my house and lot purchase I can't stop thinking about interior design ideas, expenses for finishing up the house... basically, I can't stop thinking about the future where we live in Cavite and I haven't been living in my present. My condition has taught me to live more in the present but my purchase is taking me to the future once again. It's a push and pull. It's so hard.

Impatience and Anxiousness II. Charles just graduated from college last June 8. Congratulations. Incidentally, the same day was his father's funeral. My heart is crushed. For many days, months, even years, when I chose Charles, I've always thought what my future with him would be like. This year, around the time of our anniversary (May 30), I believe...I can probably conclude at 98% probability that he is the one that I will spend the rest of my life with. I had to compare it to my previous relationship. At 4 years, my feelings are stable, my doubts are gone. I guess there's really nothing to doubt but myself and my capacity to love. And since my love tank has expanded and I've learned to love like Jesus more, there may be no other reason to not be together til all our days expire. However, knowing that I gave Charles a P100,000 challenge, I've made myself impatient and anxious. I want to get married. I hope and pray that he gets the work that he wants and needs so that we can start a new book together. I know God's timing is perfect. And my trust in the Lord is being tested.

Sensitivity and Care. Resting at home means being with the dogs more. With Jhoanne out of the house to rent near work, I'm left with the task to feed the dogs. I also took Prada to the vet the gave her shots, not knowing that she's pregnant. I prayed hard and I prayed long for the puppies to be born normal. Today at their 8th day, 6 out of 7 puppies are alive and well. I had to learn about being careful and responsible the hard way. I used to be a perfectionist, but now I'm caught up in the world of automatic and "pwede na to." I'm not giving my best, I'm not being careful and sensitive. It's not how many things I do or did (work+school+Prulife), it's about giving your best love and care to whatever it is you are doing at the moment. Focus on one thing at a time. Now we have a new puppy, Summer, a swimmer puppy that needs her legs tied so it won't split. I've been given the task to show my great love and care. Maybe this is the lesson that I need before I can become a wife and a mother and an owner of a new house. Delays always have reasons.

Time is slow for me lately. My thoughts, not my condition is limiting what I can do. I've stopped chasing my dream of becoming a teacher for now. But maybe a new dream is being born - to own a Kumon and teach there in Cavite. I stopped trying to achieve 1M by age 30. I'm now 31. And if I get my first million at age 31 or 32 or 33, it won't matter. Money doesn't matter as much as family and health. I've stopped being active in Prulife. I put it at pause for now but I don't know if I'll ever get back on that track. I've stopped exercising and eating healthy. I should get back. There are many other things that I'm now realizing that I've stopped. Some of which I regret not continuing/practicing. Most specially my talents. I've stopped being high because I'm at peace at happy with what I'm doing. I'm always stuck because I can't bring myself to go out of my comfort zone - a good career that pays well yet I'm not ecstatic about. The problem is my failure to choose. Because "WHAT IF" I'm meant to be in this career, I just look too farther out to appreciate what's in front of me? What if I'm not meant to be in this career, I'm just too scared to jump out of it? I feel like it will still take me a long time to figure things out. But I also know that I'm making progress. I won't answer any question right now. What I will do is to seek God more. Love Jesus more. Give service to my family more. Work my way to trust the Lord wholeheartedly. And He will show me the answer.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p

My Heart - It Beats

Last June we went to Canada. Me, Jhoanne and Mama. We had the best time. I’m happy to have made Mama’s dream come true. I’m so hlad to have experienced living there with amazing relatives even for just 2 weeks. We experienced snow for the first time. That’s something! I spent around 100k including the show money that mama and jhoanne didn’t return haha. But it was worth it. It was priceless. :)

By August, I started my journey with Charles and Jess in PRULIFE UK. Again, I love it! However, it was also during this time that work became mad toxic with weekend work and new designation and more and more work and trainings. I wasn’t able to sustain my prulife trainings and work and just had to stop after getting Papa and Mama their insurance.

And speaking of Papa, in the process of getting him insurance, we learned he had COPD. It’s an incurable disease. I had to get him a low coverage insurance because of that. And also, I immediately said YES to our house and lot purchase under my name because of that. Papa needs fresh air in order to slow down the pace of his condition. Cavite air will be good for him.

Little did I know that my own health is at risk. October, I first experienced palpitations that got me ECG. That eventually lead to discovering that I have a straighted cervical spine with osseous degeneration causing my neck pain and migraines. That’s mild compared to what I learned next. I have a congenital mitral valve prolapse with mild regurgitation. Its a valvular heart disease causing weakness, palpitations, and as my first time yesterday before I was admitted to the hospital today, chest pain or angina. On top of that, I found out I have anemia. Not caused by iron deficiency as we all know so well. I don’t know what kind of anemia it is yet. But Dr Dadural explained different scenarios as to what I might expect.

A lot of my dreams shattered this year. No more running, no more coffee or chocolates. My lifestyle has to be changed forever. Child bearing will be a feat. Even a simple tooth extraction has to be consulted to my doctor beforehand. My life will never be the same again. And my future will never be as I planned and dreamed it would be. It’s depressing. But I’m thankful that these things are happenning in the spirit of Christmas. That I might draw strength through prayer. That I may find this season as a blessing. I may not know what is happenning to me or why these things are happenning. But I pray to God to use me as His instrument. I pray that I may listen to His words. To fulfill my duty here on earth for His glory. I claim healing after healing after healing. Amen.

Today, the day I was admitted in Fe Del Mundo because of my heart pain yesterday, is also the last day of Richand and Arlene in PH. As I’m writing this blog, their plane to Sydney just took off. I’m very sad that I wasn’t there to send them away. I won’t be seeing my brother for a year or so. I wasn’t even able to give him a card or anything. I just wish them both happiness and success in Sydney and hope that the ties between us will get stronger each day. I love my family. And I am reminded to love like Jesus. LOVE LIKE JESUS.

"Everyday is a happy day!":p