random thoughts

I'm a few chapters away from finishing Sophie's World and I might say the journey's really gave my brains a workout! haha! The book is really good... To bring out that philosopher side in you!

Hmm.. random thoughts... You know that I got a surprise sembreak ending and it made me feel very very good to face my getting back to school, facing people i don't really wanna face just yet. Well, my week's going on better that i have hoped for. Last tuesday, the semester officially started. I wasn't late. I got the seat that I wanted. left side of the class, second row... hehe best of all, I didn't have to make any kind of communication with B-anne. Good thing she was late and she took a seat at the back. That way I wouldn't notice her. I wouldn't think of her. haha! She won't distract me anymore.

Lyndon's now back in UST. Flip says he got chubby. haha! anyway, i haven't seen him yet. I probably won't be seeing him for a long time. After i dissed him off when he sends me smss or when he calls. I don't know what I should feel. I'm kinda relieved by what I did but sometimes i think "Was it really necessary?" something like that. *sigh*

During the sem break, I had another rendevouz with Patrick. He was telling me stories about B-anne which made me felt more fury surging through me. He was saying how much their relationship is so weakened by the fact that B-anne do what Patrick wants him to do. She can't bear not being with Alex eventhough Patrick, her boyfriend, is agitated by the fact that his girlfriend and her ex-suitor are together in one class. Yadah yadah yadah... I feel that Pat still have feelings for me and he's probably trying to woo me into saying I have feelings for him too. But that won't happen. It could happen if I decide to be a very mean girl. Actually this, lets say, past event, for me, it almost made the mean girl inside of me take over. I had full of hatred for B-anne. And for all these frustrations, I had liszt to act as my shock absorber. But I didn't realize that by talking to her, I opened my eyes to what probably is the side of B-anne I know I've seen before but not actually felt. I was so used to saying "I" and how she hurt "my" feelings. I was blabbing bout how selfish she was and I didn't even thought how selfish I am becoming for thinking those things. True that she's the only person that I considered a real friend, the only girl who ever made me cry and the last one that I thought could do all those things to me. But I can't blame her for feeling the way she does for me. None of us wanted this to happen. It just did. And I should accept that. I have no hard feelings for her now. And our seating arrangement has made it easier for me to move on. I needed that change. With Patrick, maybe if circumstances were different I'd allow myself to give him a chance to win my heart. I'm not saying I do have feelings for him cause I don't. He's fun to be with but it's on a friendship level. With regards to having a relationship, I do weigh what my mind and my heart both have to say. I'd let my mind speak first. If circumstances won't allow it, I won't even think of pursuing it. Just like with this scenario. If B-anne loves Patrick, why the hell would I even think of falling for Pat?! This is one point which I upset me with B-anne. But that's over. Patrick and B-anne are done with me.

Another thought... Eisen. As far as being back together, I'm relieved to see that nothing changed. I don't know if that's really relieving or what. I'm still not sure if he knows my secret, or if he's really gay or bisexual or whatever you'd want to call it, or if he feels the same way about me, or it's just plain friendship and nothing more. At least I'm happy now. I'm not worried that we'll go our separate ways anytime soon. I hope never. My emotions are lying low now thanks to Acriza's boost of positivity though she didn't mean it.

Rudolf and Adrian. There's no proof that Adrian likes me and that's that. Only Rudolf and Patrick say that. As to Rudolf, he'll probably get past my reason speaking. Some say that he still have those feelings for me. Nevertheless, he's sticking to his decision that he'd want to be friends with me and that's that. Maybe for reasons I too have. He says once, "Hindi ako tumatalo ng kaibigan." probably referring to Adrian. I don't know. He never once tried to get a response out of me. For one, other people speak for me, thinking that they know everything, that they know what i'll say, but they don't. It's decided by the people. I'll have a say no more. That's that. Let's not make it complicated.

I can say at this point that I'm living my life peacefully. I can quote:
"Everyday is a happy day!":p