MGQ: My Last Email (First Love will always be Special)

From: Jhoanna Mary Calica
To: manny quizon
Sent: Thursday, September 1, 2011 12:54 PM
Subject: Last One

You will always be my first love
That will forever be special

I hope she won't take advantage of you
Because you're like a kid who says yes to everything
I hope she won't hurt you
The way maricris did
The way I did

Because you don't deserve it
You deserve all the love in the world
Because you are good
You're just stupid

I'm fickle
I'm complicated
I don't appreciate you enough
I nag
I complain
I control

You've always hold on to our relationship
Every time I try to break up with you
You've never given up on us
Whenever I give up on us
But I guess we've really reached our limit

I'll use my experience as a training ground
So I won't make the same mistakes I did with you
I guess we were young
It takes grown ups to make relationships work
I guess we are too different
And both didn't want to change
It takes more than love to make relationships work

Words of Advice

LISTEN.
Not just to words that hit you but to EVERYTHING being said.

You tend to filter out the important things because you focus on what hit you.
STOP.
When in doubt just stop.
If you can't be rational while being emotional,
Stop and take a break or you'll end up doing stupid things
THINK.
Not just of your own feelings but others
Not just for the moment but the consequences.
ASK.
Two or more heads are better than one.
You don't have to think of everything.
Don't let her think of everything too.
So involve others in your relationship.
GROW.
Don't be complacent. Be dynamic.
FORGETFUL?
Try blogging realizations so you can read them be reminded
Try blogging her concerns so you can read them and improve

Funny.
I'm still giving you advice
You have so much to learn little boy

4 years, 3 months, 6 days
Plus another 3 months apart

Sorry I was not enough

Thank you

You taught me how to love

Taken from my letter when we broke up:
"I don't want to wait on the day you propose for me to say "No, I'm not ready yet." My what ifs will forever be what ifs until I do make those mistakes. I'm sorry if I feel unsure about you, the exact opposite of how you feel about me. But as you said when we were starting out, you were scared that I'd want to explore more. Somehow I guess the time has come for me to explore. I've read in a book once that the first time will always be the time to make mistakes. In love, the first relationships are the times you make all the mistakes, to hone you to become the perfect person when the right one comes along. I'm not sure if you are the right one or not. But I do believe that for a first time, I did make all the mistakes that I did with you. And I don't regret any of them. Love is sweeter the second time around as they say. And if I make this mistake and say "Yup, that was a mistake" I hope I can still make things right. If this however, turns out to be the opposite, I do hope that things will still stay positive between us. Life is full of surprises, let's fill it with our own adventure. It's really hard to explain but I do hope you understand that this is what I have to do at the moment. I don't know why and I would never want this to happen to us but i feel that I need to do this. We've become the best of friends and I do hope it won't change. I love you."

Well, things don't always go according to plan
That's why we have to be ready to face life head on
Everything I said in that letter has now been answered
Probably not in the way I wanted it to

Not as happy as I hoped it would end up
But yes. I will never be ready to move ahead with you
And no. My instinct was right. It wasn't a mistake
I'm ready to move on without looking back.

Bye Manny.
Til we meet as friends.

**Now I know why I had a vision of you smirking at the altar
I always wondered why you had that smirk and not a smile
It wasn't a smirk saying "Sabi ko na nga ba tayo rin sa huli"
It was a smirk saying "You had me but now you lost me"

"Everyday is a happy day!":p